Wednesday, October 29, 2008

performance anxiety

Men normally are preys to performance anxiety!

Some things in life have no meaning, like this particular anxiety... it makes you so anxious that you just cannot perform at even the normal standard that you were supposed to perform. Some say the resultant adrenaline helps in rescuing us from the situation, but the only way I can see that happening is running away from the situation at speeds unimaginable normally.

Now before you guys get wrong impression about the performance anxieties I have to get to the topic.

I was invited recently to a bhoomi puja (ground breaking)of one of the projects wherein I was a vendor. Now that the custom goes after the pundits (not the english pun for knowledgable people, but hindu uppercaste brahmin community, who are in knowledge of the veda's (hindu religious scriptures)), were chanting the mantras (again not the english meaning, but scriptures)! Oh the perils of borrowing from sanskrit by englishmen!

Anyways when they started their offerings to god, one of the main ritual is every stake holder is supposed to break a coconut as an offering to the gods! The idea here about the ritual is that everyone's coconut is an omen to the way their responsibility towards the project is going to be shaping up.

The coconut has to be broken on a large granite stone laid for the purpose by simply hammering the coconut on to it with your bare hands! Not a big task though, any small kid can do it! There is a catch though! The coconut has to break in perfect middle or in two equal or near to equal pieces when you break! It should not shatter, nor it should be unequal, that is bad omen! Also one more issue... Your coconut should be fresh and good, should not have gone bad!

One by one everyone are going coconuts, rather doing their coconuts. And I am really sweating. There is a horde of people including my client, the managing director and other directors of that company etc anxiously watching!I am not at all superstitious, but I can't vouch that for them, so I am getting all hyper-ventilated.

Now is my turn... I feel like an athlete in olympics down to do his final performance... All turns silent! I take the coconut in my hand, shake it near my ear to judge whether it has water (rendering it as a quality one as in fresh), to be very frank, I have no idea of judging if a coconut goes bad whether it will make no sound or not, but I had seen many athletes in their performances ensuring that it was a standard practice (something similar to rubbing a stitch ball on your crotch when you play cricket, frankly till I was too old to have stopped playing cricket as a looser, I never knew why they rubbed it! Seen in TV so had to imitate the big players).

So there I was hearing to the jingling sound of water from the coconut... looking at the stone... wondering whether it will break into perfect halves, whether the good old coconut would still be good, or gone rotten inside! I was at the peak of performance anxiety! Wondering if only I could run away from there!

And then I took the bold step... like the long jumpers.. I didn't have three attempts.. I was bestowed with only this one coconut! And I had to break it now come whatever may. The adrenaline was making me faint... people silent, I felt like in the middle of a world cup football stadium where people were silent for the final penalty shootout... so I gain all my courage and shoot!

Wonderful... all clapping hands, all elated cheers... My coconut was perfect two halves... and it was perfectly fresh! No rotting for miles! I felt like I was in the podium of olympics recieving my gold medal!

No wonder men are averse to performance anxieties... If only there was no athelete in everyone of us! The human race would have been extinct by now! I think in this case the testosterone helps! Never for a coconut it helps! I am not that weird!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Love is Shit!

love is like shit.. u can't keep it within u for long, it stinks in private, and if public it can have an infectious effect and still stinks! Copyright Edmonddante 2008

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Being a tourist!

It has been 3 days since my return from the UK, I am wondering what influenced me the most about my visit there? It was definitely a leisure trip! It was my first vacation in
years. I think the last time I had taken a vacation was when I had visited Mysore with my father mother and my brother as a 11 year old kid. Yeah I can also remember later when
I was 13, my visit to delhi with my cousin and the outings with my uncle aunt my cousin brother and cousin sister. Nothing has been better than that mysore trip afterwards in my
life!

I remember the roads of mysore, the roaming around the chariots in the mysore palace, the long and tiring visit to the brindavan gardens where I puked all what I ate on a
beautiful north indian lady, who was kind enough to bear it looking at me the tired kid, getting drenched washing my clothes with them fully on of the vomit (not pleasant, but
was a real experience), and walking like a zombie after all this in the beautiful brindavan gardens holding my mother's hands. The visit to the museum in mysore and the sneak
touch on the throne there... made me feel like a king, when I touched something where it was written do not touch!

The long haul walk to chamundi hills later, and the view of mysore from atop the hill...
Later the cancelled trip to Tipu's fort, due to some health problem of my dad, of which my brother had boasted so much about, and also the tall stories my brother gave about the
Tipu's sword which was so big noone could even lift it, which I never saw and coz of the trip being cancelled!

And who could ever forget the stay in dasprakash hotel, and also the finest vanilla icecream cone I ever had from that hotel... every trip was to end with that! I also faintly
remember that the best tea I had ever had in my life was from mysore... milky and milky was the key word there, but tasted best..

And who could forget my dad's "eege and oogee", which he said was "here and there" in kannada, the local language of karnataka where mysore is located. He used to direct all
autorickshaw drivers saying "eege eege and ooge ooge"

I later stayed in bangalore, the capital of karnataka for work for 2.5 years, and my dad visited us many times during this time, and myself and my brother both now fully grown
up and working, quizzed our dad, that till now we have never heard "eege or oogee" other than "illi and alli", which actually meant "here and there" in kannada, and he used to
escape saying was a local dialect of mysore... I am still unsure about that fact! My memories about my dad are so sweet and so boyish of him... he never grew up, he was the
biggest kid of our family!

Now getting back to london... what did I like about this city so much that it reminded me of the best memories I have had of a vacation in any place? I am sure I know the answer
to this...best of all I had my family back along with me for a vacation, me my brother my mother, my brother's kid and his wife, except my dad who was nomore with us to find the
local dialect of english spoken in london, and direct the tube driver (I am sure he would have done that too...) about the being punctual to the dot(not even the london tube can
be punctual to the extend my dad wanted it to be)!!

As soon as I reached london, the first thing I noticed was the place was filled with history, it had cruel and a tiring past, and its people pardoned thier forefather's atrocities with forgiving smiles to anyone who is around. I walked on the tower bridge only to find that poetry was composed for long on that bridge and many great poets found inspiration on it to give a heart of appreciation to the beautiful city which was called london! London is surely the bard's empire...

I was always surprised by the talent of the man called shakespear who was such a genius, but if you are in london inspiration is no more needed to be invented... The tube or the london underground, is filled with poems in each compartment, which I am sure very few londoners should have noticed called "Poems on the underground", I should have read around 30 poems in a span of 3 days...

I am sure I have never done anything like that in my entire life, except when I had an english exam in school and forced to do it! This round of reading in london, I thoroughly enjoyed, as it was leisurely and because I wanted to, first time in my life!

I was filled with a joy of knowing that people in that land was able to love with the same devotion, like once they had suggested thier imperialistic empire over the whole world! Thier love was flowing in those poems, in those many hundred old aged couples I had seen walking around holding each others hands... with thier eyes always upon each other! Alas I wish I was born there, where love was flowing forever!

The tower of london, where Issac newton the greatest man was just a mint master, the ravens (crows) who were considered protectors of the castle and still like a good football team a minimum number of six players with their substitutes are still kept! The jewels and monarchy of a nation displayed with splendour, not asking to look back at good times of memories, but better times which are ahead of them!

London is one place where thier king queen and all are not symbols of a prosperous past gone by, but a proud reminder of the current wealth and where it came by from, how much so ever in quantity or hegemony it has reduced till date!

A treasure island flowing with poems and art, with musicians on the subway playing thier instruments and singing better than the American idol contestants... The land is a place
of great talent, and as an art lover you can always stop from your hectic life and take a second to appreciate it...

I am sure very few londoners have read the poems or heard to a full song by an artist singing on the tube station... I could because I was a tourist! Hope my life will always be that of a tourist... just seeing the sights and walking along, never to rest, never to pain, never to stop loving anyone because they are not your race, religion or clan... and read on the poems of love!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

For my love!

The sceptre is nothing without a crown,
my life nothing without you to own!

The wonders of the world do not amuse,
until you are not there to see and muse!

my tongue holds no charm from world cucines,
if you are not around to cook my meals!

The world in its beauty does not look pleasant,
unless you are mine forever and present!

The nectars of the flowers will never stand a test,
before the few drops from your hands to quench my thirst!

I can overcome my uttermost fears,
if I see it costs you a single drop of tears!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Thought For the Day!

"Truth gets you shit!...But atleast it won't leave you constipated!' Copyright Edmonddante 2008